Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.
I can get into a weird kind of inertia funk of self-loathing when I don’t do the “right” thing, and it’s almost like I continue to punish myself by not doing what I should be doing.
On Monday, I sat on the couch and researched deck materials instead of exercising. (We had a deadline to make purchases to repair damage done in a hail storm two years ago or risk losing the final insurance payout.) I did not work it into my schedule, so no exercising or blogging.
On Tuesday, I had a rough day at work, followed by trips to home improvement stores to research deck materials. No exercising or blogging, though it probably would have made me feel better.
On Wednesday, I was sufficiently into the self-loathing spiral that I just sat on the couch and watched TED talks and drank beer. (Nothing for the self-esteem like watching inspirational, amazing people while you are sitting on the couch feeling unable to force yourself to get up and do some exercise, which would probably make you feel better, but some sulky thing in the back of your head says “you don’t deserve it.” I could have at least pedaled away on the stationary bike while surfing!) The only thing that rescued the day for me was the fact that I took a break from work and got the home repair materials purchased and the receipts turned in to the insurance agency – one day before the deadline.
Lack of proper sleep and the “worry cycle” of being unable to shut out thoughts about my endless to-do list at work and home probably triggered this whole episode of Juneathon fail.
But just because I lost a few days does not mean I need to give up! I do not have to be perfect to continue to strive for something! Dammit!
I am going to get off this couch as soon as I hit “publish” and do some leg exercises!
Copyright 2014 by Katie Bradshaw